Caregiver Matters- Tips for Caregiving

As we age, many times those things which were easy or mundane might become difficult or unsafe for us to do. Driving is one such task. Lots of seniors began driving a car even before they were of legal age, so they might have 50, 60 or even 70 years experience in driving!

Many factors may contribute to whether or not the senior needs to continue to drive or drive alone. Among those are:

* Worsening Vision- cataracts, poor night vision or glaucoma may have diminished their ability to safely navigate.

* Diminished Reflexes- As we age, our ability to process and react to the situations around us can slow or greatly diminish. This could lead to accidents that might damage property or people.

* Memory Issues- Memory loss is natural as we age, but for individuals with conditions like Alzheimer's, dementia, Parkinson's and other similar conditions might become disoriented. As a result, they may forget locations or directions to places they have travelled to for years, up to and including their own homes.

* Physical deterioration- Not only their vision issues, but also issues like stamina, joint pain, arthritis in their hands, hips or shoulders, and back pain can make something as simple as driving to the grocery store a dangerous venture.

So what are caregivers supposed to do when their elderly parent or loved one insists on driving, and yet we know it's not a safe or good idea? Here are a few suggestions to consider.

First, have a talk with someone in their life who represents authority, someone they respect. This might be their primary care physician, an attorney, a pastor or close friend of theirs. Many times when the same advice that was given by family comes from someone they consider to be an "authority", the individual will accept the counsel and act on it. Share your concerns with the authority figure, and ask if they would be willing to intervene.

Next, offer to do the driving for them. It could be that their hesitancy to "giving up the keys" is rooted in a fear that if they do, then they will be homebound, and at the mercy of others for their transportation needs. If you are initiating the offers to drive them to church, the store or to the park, then you might find the transition from driver to non-driver is easier for your senior to accept.

Consider hiring a caregiver to drive them, or run errands for them. Families who find themselves in the "Sandwich Generation", stuck between caring for ailing parents while still meeting the needs of their own spouse and children can find relief by enlisting the aid of a home care company. There are many reputable companies who can provide qualified and safe drivers to transport your loved one.

A slightly more drastic measure might simply be to take the keys or remove the car from the premises. This can be a dangerous approach. If the car is titled in the name of the senior, and it is taken against their will, they are within their legal rights to report it stolen... and some have done just that!

As a last resort, the family may have to take legal action to become a guardian. If awarded the guardianship, the guardian has the legal ability to prevent the senior from driving by taking the car keys away, or selling the car. This action should only be taken after all other avenues have been tried, as it can cause serious relationship and trust issues in the future.

Whatever you decide to do, communicate a lot about this issue with other family members, care professionals and your loved one. It's best if this decision is reached as a group decision, rather than an unpopular or disagreeable decision for the loved one involved.

Driving matters, and so does safety. Talk it out, brainstorm your options, and determine how quickly decisions have to be made. When that time comes, move decisively and lovingly. You'll be glad you did!

Page Cole
Agency Director/Dealer in Hope
Visiting Angels of Tulsa
Visiting Angels of Bartlesville
Visiting Angels of SWOKC

Today is my daughter's birthday... She is my oldest, the first one to make me a "daddy". I love my two sons just a much, but there's something special about a "daughter/daddy" relationship. The same goes with my boys and the relationship they have with their mom. Today I took her out for a birthday lunch, just the two of us. We will do the family birthday dinner tomorrow night, but it was a great time for her and me to just hang out.

One of things I have on my repeating task list is to periodically ask my kids about their "bucket list". I've challenged each one of them to dream- about things they would like to own, places they would like to visit, things they would love to experience, and so on. I want to visit with them about their dreams so I can dream with them, and help support them in their pursuit of those dreams. That means planning for the future, setting priorities and sometimes making hard decisions in life. Why do I do it? I mean, I really do have enough on my own plate to keep me busy, and they are grown adults! I do it because I love them, and I want the very best for them.

In a nutshell, isn't that what it means to discuss, plan for and engage the topic of home and health care with aging parents? We love them, and we want the very best for them. For a quality future, living where THEY want to live, it does require planning for the future, setting priorities and yes, sometimes making hard decisions. Why go through all of that? You know the answer to that question. Because you love them, and LOVE MATTERS!

There are so many issues when it comes to caring for aging parents! I'd love to recommend a great resource for your consideration. Check out "Taking Care of Mom & Dad: A Beginner's Guide to Caring for Your Parents" (click link to check this out on Amazon). This fantastic resource was authored by 17 different Visiting Angels Franchise Owners from around the country, most of whom have a decade or more in the home care industry!

Love is fulfilling, it's exciting and it's a part of who we are when we are at our best. But more than that, Love Matters, and love is worth the time and effort it takes from us to do it well. So get out there, and if your parent or parents are still living, have some of those conversation! Love Matters!

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Scam Matters!

4/20/2021

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The opportunity to be a caregiver for a senior is a high calling. It involves meeting a variety of needs- physical assistance, emotional support, mental encouragement and spiritual help. As we age our need for assistance in all of these areas increase dramatically.

Another facet of care that many seniors need assistance with is protection and safeguarding of their finances. The elderly are a prime target for scams, con artists and thieves to take financial advantage. It is important that their family and caregivers provide a protective wall between these evil doers and the elderly. There are many things caregivers can do to help keep them safe.

First, it is important to communicate regularly with the senior about their finances, and if allowed to do so as a family member, check their accounts to make sure that there are not any unusual withdrawals. Ask the senior to talk to you about their finances, and make yourself available to discuss any concerns they might have regarding their money.

Second, be aware that many of the instances of financial abuse of seniors is perpetrated by a family member or close friend. Asking for a "loan", sharing personal financial crises to gain sympathy, or even blatantly taking monies or property from the senior take place on regular basis. Other family and friends need to watch for these horrible cases of "financial friendly fire", and be prepared to address those issues with the senior or with other family members.

Third, watch out for scammers who worm their way into the life of the senior via the telephone or print materials. Promises of financial benefits through sketchy investments regularly assault their space through telemarketers and bulk mail. Be on the lookout for these, and respond quickly if you feel they are being taken advantage of.

Finally, have an open and honest conversation with the senior about the possibility of scams or people trying to take advantage of the senior. They need to understand how broad and rampant the problem is across the country, and look out for those who might take advantage of them. One easy way to do that is to pick up a copy of the resource "Protecting Your Nest Egg: Fraud Protection for Senior Citizens from Con Artists, Thieves & Scams" and go through it together. It is full of descriptions of common scams, and even a "self test" to see just how likely it is the senior might fall prey to a scam.

We love the seniors we care for in our lives. Stand in the gap and protect their hard earned money, investments and property!

Page Cole
Visiting Angels of Tulsa
Visiting Angels of Bartlesville
Visiting Angels of SWOKC

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Family Matters!

2/1/2021

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The seniors in our lives are among the most precious gifts we possess! Parents, grandparents, neighbors and friends, the elderly among us need and deserve our love and respect. Some of those providing the gift of care are family members who provide much needed assistance to a loved one. Others are paid professional caregiving aides who work in the home health or medical fields. Either way, it is hard not to fall in love with these wonderful people who are being cared for!

There are several very critical things to remember when it comes to caregiving and family. Handling these issues well is vital to the quality of life for the senior.

Communicate Well- if you are a caregiver, do the very best you can to communicate effectively and consistently with the family members of the senior. Families who are not able to be the primary caregiver appreciate it so much when they are kept in the loop of information and need.
Appreciate Family Dynamics- This senior has spent decades building relationships with various family members. Some of those relationships are positive, while others may be distant or strained. It is not the responsibility of the caregiver to "fix" anything. However the caregiver needs to be aware of the relationship dynamics in a family, and sensitive to any special issues or situations that can arise because of those unique situation.
Boundaries Exist- In every caregiving situation there are boundaries that must be communicated, understood and respected. Sometimes those boundaries involve personal space. Other boundaries might focus on financial or property issues. Still other boundaries may include topics of conversation or issues that should or should not be discussed. A quality caregiver learns the boundaries by asking questions, watching interactions closely, communicating regularly with the senior and family members and by responding appropriately to a crisis when it happens.
Seek Out Help- You should never feel alone as a caregiver. Communicate with family members of the senior as needed and as you are able. Encourage visits, phone calls, Facetime or other types of communication from family members with the senior. If you see problems that are beyond what you feel qualified to understand or help with, then seek out professional counsel from experts in the senior care industry.

Understand your role as a caregiver. If you are a family member, you've taken on a huge responsibility. It can be full of both joy and heartache. If you are a paid professional or a volunteer, know that you have legal, ethical and even moral responsibilities to provide the very best care for your senior. They may not be your family, but you should care for them as if they were the dearest member of your own family.

If you would like more information about caregiving issues as they relate to family matters, contact the amazing people at Visiting Angels of Tulsa!

Visiting Angels of Tulsa
1532 S Peoria
Tulsa, OK 74120
www.visitingangels.com/tulsa
pagecole@visitingangels.com

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